Thursday, 14 June 2012

You don't deserve if you don't reserve

Of late, there has been a lot of rant and chant about Reservation for minorities. Divine children of God have predicted the world to end in 2012. But if it doesn't, those days are at hand when the following sarcastic quote by Mr Azim Premji might actually turn out for real :
"The four hit by an SC/ST/OBC player would be considered as a six. ICC would make rules so that the pace bowlers like Shoaib Akhtar should not bowl fast balls to our SC/ST/OBC players....."
'Dalit' was a term coined up to a refer group of people regarded as Untouchables. But do such myths still hold ? Many of you must be lamenting having born to a 'General' class family. Some might even post questions such as "Why don't they ask for reservations in Indian Army. Equality needs to exist at all levels then and not only for luring hot-seats".

Is Indian constitution jeopardizing its own values of equality and secularism? To find answers to such questions, the 'Potboilers' team conducted a survey. Please find the excerpts below:

Interview with Mr R (OBC), after he was admitted to IIT :

Potboilers: "Sir, You belong to an educated family. Your father earns above the PPL (Poor Parsi Line).."
Mr R: "Yeah yeah, but that doesn't mean that I should be deprived of my birth-right. Reservation runs in my blood"

P: "But Sir, what about the other more deserving students who might lose out because of reservation laws"
R: "If they are so deserving, they will find a berth in some university or the other. We have suffered so much. I deserve a place in IIT"

P: "Sir, we heard that you were planning to go abroad for higher studies?"
R: "Yes, I traveled the entire US and almost half of Europe seeking admission. But those ruthless western colleges have no respect for backward classes. So I returned to India".

When Potboilers implored the Society's You know whos: 

 Mayawati : "Why the entire circus ? There should be a law mandating one statue per dalit on every Indian street"
Potboilers: "Err...Ohhhk".

Swami Nithyananda: "Please, spare me. Had she been a dalit, I wouldn't have done anything such as this"
Potboilers: "What this sir ?" 

Angela Merkel: "If Greece adopts the Indian Reservation system, I vow to soften austerity terms for all the Greek Dalits"
Potboilers: "God save the Eurozone now !!"

Sunny Leone: The reserved ones takes the opportunity away from deserving ones like me willing to flaunt.
Potboilers: "Aaah... a new aspect to reservations "

Albus Dumbledore: "Following the footsteps of Indian Govt, Ministry of Magic has proposed a law to reserve 40% Gryffindor seats for under privileged witches and wizards"
Potboilers: "10 points to Gryffindor"

Tushaar Kapoor: "I myself have some experience. I am a Kapoor by reservation. You don't believe that I would be getting films otherwise. Do you? "
Potboilers: "What was your last film by the way !!!."

and last but not the least

Navjot Singh Siddhu: "Oye Guru!!! Tu kamaal hai yaar, chha gaya tu. In the next Loksabha session, I will put forward a proposal to reserve a person from minority community to host Extra Innings. A nation without a reservation is like a ...."
Potboilers: <faints>

Saturday, 9 June 2012

Hot Waitress Economic Index

What get onto your nerves when you see a super hot sizzling waitress bringing you food !! It won't be a fortuitous stroke of a genius if I say that most of the guys reading this must have conjured an image, already dumped in a swarming corner of their brain.

But when talking meat and potatoes, it takes time to gulp down the fact that hotness factor of the same waitress could decide the fate of economy in your country, Goofy!!, right ?

A bizarre theory, " Hot Waitress Economic Index", states:

                           Confused !!! Ok, time to shed a basic doubt that used to bother me often - making Madonna and Jolie dead-ringers wear the waitress's shoes will not make a country an economic super-power. 

The financial eggheads who we despise had devised this fun seemingly theory called "Hot Waitress Economic Index" which posits that :
When times are flush, hot people have no problem getting work. They have ample opportunities to make money through marketing gigs, modeling and other eye-candy jobs. When economy tanks, the opportunities dry up, and they are pushed to service sectors—to wait tables and to attract diners who like being served by hot waitresses, paying tips at their seductive smiles.

Most of we lady-wooers may like to interpret this as - worse the economy, hotter the waitress at your service will be.

I believe there are few fallacies and assumptions associated with this theory :
  •  The term "Hotness" is very subjective. Hot for one might be a cold dud for others. I have even overheard some Big Bang Theory followers say how seductive Amy Farrah Fowler is.
  •  Countries such as Maldives, Thailand whose economy is tourism independent would place priority to hire hotter attendants to lure tourists. Now I am not sure if they switch  to ugly staffers when the economy is on a boom.
  • The theory might not be applicable to Islamic oriented conservative countries where you can't see beyond the black 'burkas'.

Now that we know what the index signifies,still some of us when out for a dinner and greeted with a not-so-attractive smile, would smirk and shower praises on policy makers for bettering the economy. I commiserate with them and with their imbecility.

Next time when all you bloated nuts see a sensuous hot female serving you Lobsters Roll Rumble and Mexican-Style shrimp cocktail, don't panic, don't sell-off your mansions and don't head to the Holy Ganges for a spiritual dip.

Friday, 1 June 2012

The Judgement Day

The Judgement Day
Last night, when my favourite television channel played "Terminator 2 : Judgement Day", my mind unthinkingly conjured a calendar with June 17th - The Judgement Day scowling at me icily as if to stamp the significance of the day. This June 17th, when hot summer dragon will lay its claws over most of Asia, it is Europe that will be set to fire. After the May 6 vote left the Greek assembly on an even keel between groups who support the austerity measures and those who do not, Greece is now driven into re-elections  on 17th June.

 Alchemists, Shamans and Occultists believe that Dec 21st, 2012 is "The Judgement Day" which will decide the course of the survival of Mother Earth. Some have even towered above the magnitudes to predict that Earthquakes caused by Tsunamis will wipe out the planet in its entirety. Economists and Alchemists have always been like nights and days, poles apart - Satanic for one, Recession for another.187 days prior to the heralded apocalypse lie a day that can decide the course of the turbulent financial tide in Europe.  

The dilemma facing Greeks is downright: To support pro-bailout parties ( New Democracy, PASOK ) and quaff austere measures, or To back anti-bailout parties ( SYRIZA ) and put the ECB cushion they have in jeopardy. The far left leader Alexis Tsipras ( SYRIZA ), who wants out of the Euro, has gained in popularity since the May election which has sent world financial markets in a spin. But the exit poll discloses that pro-bailout conservative party lead over the anti-austerity radical leftists, and over 80 per cent of respondents state Greece needs to stay in Eurozone 'at all costs'.

The reverberations of the elections can be :
  •  1) Pro-bailout party comes into power and Greece stumbles along in Eurozone  - Clouds of market  uncertainty might linger on but EU integration should keep building up. 
  •  2) Anti-bailout party become the kings and Greece resorts to Drachma - Possible boycott for Greece and focus might shift to other bed-ridden countries like Spain, Portugal. Financial bedlam might worsen.
  • 3) None of the parties succeed to power leaving the country in a political turmoil - Party with the largest number of seats will be asked to form the government, and if none of them succeed re-poll is on the cards.

So, one might be coerced to think about the amicable outcomes for Greece from this election. There are times when one is locked in an asphyxiating room and the only way out is to shatter the glasses and jump from the 10th floor. In a nutshell, a lose-lose situation. But cracking the window open and making yourself resilient enough to survive till the smoke clears sounds the most rational. Greece's best shot would be to keep itself off the radar, win the confidence of European leaders, appease Angela Merkel and ECB to amend the bailout terms and stay in Eurozone.

Amongst all the chaos, the big lump in the everyone's throat is how will India survive if Greece exits and Eurozone bumbles down further. Depreciating rupee and weak GDP don't help the cause either. But the sweet truth is that Indian along with other Asian countries is better placed to withstand the EU blow. Indian trade relations with Greece is lilliputian and few Indian companies are exposed. All depends on the policymakers with whom we have surrendered our plummeting confidence.

Europe is some-one who is ill and is conscious of it. India on the other hand had a running temperature as well, but it never comes to light until Mr. Statistics goes down on its knees and pleads the government to come out if its chimera. India can come out of this box only if government keep aside its whim for power and make policy reforms to strengthen the economy.

Nonetheless, all financial know-it-all will have their eyes fixed on 17th June and will keep their fingers crossed for the doom before the DOOM.